Read (from the New Living Translation)

Colossians 3:13

13 Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.

Go Deep

Forgiveness isn’t fair. So, how is it possible?

Mike Donehey from Tenth Avenue North explains this perfectly in today’s video. He tells the story of asking his dad, “How did you forgive your alcoholic father?” The answer flips forgiveness on it’s head and had Mike FLOORED.

 

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123 Comments on "Day 4: To Forgive, You’ve Gotta Die."

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Asher
Member

A mentor once told me that we need to die to ourselves – our worldly desires and treasures, what would be in our best interests – to truly be Christians. That really changed my perspective. When I find it difficult to forgive others, I find it helpful to take a moment to remember how Jesus gave grace to me, and think of how sharing that grace could impact someone. Thank you for your insightful sharing, Mike!

pauladine
Member

I’ve never fully understood the concept of dying to myself.
Thank you mMike for explaining it simply through the story from your dad.

Pastor Dave WAY-FM
WAY-FM

So true, Asher! Forgiveness has impact for eternity … why wouldn’t I want that??

Ann
Guest

Wow!! Just Wow!!

pmccoy68
Member

Wow….I needed to hear this today. I am struggling with some family matters right now and have had bitter feelings with some family members recently. This is a real challenge for me because I am commanded to forgive these people that have hurt me. I appreciate your testimony and the reminder of God’s expectations for us as Christians.

Pastor Dave WAY-FM
WAY-FM

Get ready to experience His grace in greater ways through this, Pamela Anne! That’s just how our faithful God works!

Member

Wow! This was truly inspiring. How great it was to hear the humility of this father toward his son in answering one of the most pivotal questions to be asked. I pray this puts Gods grace toward us in a better perspective for all of us. How very tender are the words of God to the very pits of our battles. God bless ya’ll for “raising the bar ” on grace which goes hand in hand with forgiveness.

Forever changed,

Karla

Pastor Dave WAY-FM
WAY-FM

That father broke the chain of curse in that family. I wonder who we will influence through God’s abundant grace today!

Ashley
Member

This was so inspirational! I needed to hear this this morning! Thank you so much for sharing. I hope I can use this insight to share with my friends and family!

Cindy
Guest
Thank you for this. My Mom’s father was an alcoholic. She was the oldest of 5. Her father abused her and her mom/my grandma. I only met him once as a child. When I was in my 20’s I was surprised to hear that my mom made the decision to take care of her father because he was ill. Her selflessness was a shock to me. I was not a believer at the time. So I really was freaked out about it. Not really knowing how to feel. I went to visit her and by this time he was in… Read more »
BethB
Member

Wow… No words…

bwilliams38
Member

Die to my right to be offended. That statement may be the best way for me to actually understand. Die to myself never really made a whole lot of sense to me but the way you put things hit home. Thank you for helping me to understand!

Katie
Member

So encouraging thank you Mike! 😊

Chris
Member

This has been the best small group study yet

Matt Chesebrough
Guest

Thank you for this video. I am struggling to forgive my dad for things he did in the past to myself, mom and sister. He passed away several years ago and only recently did I realize that the reason I always felt like was not good enough was because of his message. I’m in the process of writing my own letter so this video really spoke to my heart this morning. Thank you for the encouragement and message.

Charlie
Member
This whole topic is very poinient for me. You see, back in december, I discovered my wife was cheating on me. I was devastated. My world was upside down in a heartbeat. I went to church two days later and the message was on forgiveness. I was so sure that God was telling me that I needed to forgive my wife and we would be reconciled. So, I went to her on Monday and gently told her what I discovered and that I forgive her. It was a three hour conversation that was the opposite of moving toward reconciliation. She… Read more »
Charlie
Member

Bumblebees was suposed to be humbleness… Even autocorrect has a hard time with this topic… LOL

vince
Member
Cquiring, I am walking the same exact path you are walking. I felt like was the only one walking a path like this. God had the radio on at the exact time the other day so I could hear about this small group. I saw what the first message was going to be about and thought, yes Lord, I need to hear that because I want to forgive and I’ve told her that I forgive her. But, like you said, it doesn’t feel like it is sticking and the thoughts keep coming back when I’ve told God “I don’t want… Read more »
Charlie
Member

Vince, thank you for your prayers. This is a road that I never thought I would walk, yet I guess I saw it coming. It’s good to have other brothers in Christ that can relate to my struggle. I pray for you and your situation as well. I pray that she sees what kind of a man you are. One that is faithful and persistent towards reconciliation and towards her.
Charlie (Cquiring)

Bornelus
Guest
God called me to stand in the gap for my marriage. It wasn’t easy at first praying for someone that’s hurting you and keep fleeing from you. When I started taking my eyes off my situation and started being obedient to God I became at peace. I pray for my prodigal spouse everyday and even though he’s not home yet, I know God’s working on the other side of the mountain on my behalf. Websites like WayFm and a website​ called Charlyne Cares thought me how to stand and pray for my dead marriage. God promised to resurrect my marriage.… Read more »
vince
Member

Thanks Charlie, I prayed fervently yesterday for you and your family. Have a great day!

Bornelus
Guest
God called me to stand in the gap for my marriage. It wasn’t easy at first praying for someone that’s hurting you and keep fleeing from you. When I started taking my eyes off my situation and started being obedient to God I became at peace. I pray for my prodigal spouse everyday and even though he’s not home yet, I know God’s working on the other side of the mountain on my behalf. Websites like WayFm and a website​ called Charlyne Cares thought me how to stand and pray for my dead marriage. God promised to resurrect my marriage.… Read more »
vince
Member

Your commentary overlapped your name, so all I can see is Borne. But, thank you for your prayers. I too will pray for you and your family. Have a great day!

Bethany
Guest
Vince and Charlie thank you so much for your postings. I am experiencing a similar situation. What I’ve learned is to love unconditionally. We must be the best version of ourselves therefore the other person struggles to let us go. I do not let my actions waiver with anything negative my husband says to me… for example “I’ve made up my mind and I’m still going through with divorce” when those words are spoken I stay quiet and silently pray to God. he is mighty and powerful. Also I completed the Love Dare from Fireproof and believe that God has… Read more »
Jeff
Guest

Prayed for you.

Pastor Dave WAY-FM
WAY-FM

Comments like these are why I love this small group. This is the Body of Christ in action … encouraging, carrying, lifting up, praying, changing, growing. This is a blessing!

Cody D
Member

I also thought it was intriguing that Joy said we may need to forgive others multiple times a day. It seems like a simple concept, but in actuality it is pretty hard to apply.

Jayne
Guest

Holy Spirit is always available and willing to help us do the impossible task of letting go of offenses and hurts and truly, sincerely forgiving…He’s amazing!

Walkie35
Member

I needed this pep talk today. Great lesson.

mrschamegang
Member
I, too, am in the midst of a divorce. It is infidelity that is tearing our 26 year marriage apart. Infidelity has been something my husband has struggled with. It had been truly forgiven in the past…and now it has happened again. It is excrutiating…just as it was 9 years ago. I am, again, working on forgiving my husband, but this time it is leading to the ‘dissolution’ of our marriage and our family. Funny thing is, I am much further along the forgiveness spectrum than my family. Some are so hurt and so angry, they can’t even look my… Read more »
Joani Pederson
Member
My marriage ended in divorce because of infidelity after 32 years. It’s now been 5 years since the divorce, 6 since I kicked him out! I have walked the road of forgiveness many times throughout these years. As Joy stated it’s a battle that you feel you’re not forgiving right. To this day I still struggle with the forgiveness at times when something will be said or done that brings up all the old hurts and pains. I had asked him about 3 months into our seperation about getting back together and working things out since we had taken a… Read more »
Bornelus
Guest
God called me to stand in the gap for my marriage. It wasn’t easy at first praying for someone that’s hurting you and keep fleeing from you. When I started taking my eyes off my situation and started being obedient to God I became at peace. I pray for my prodigal spouse everyday and even though he’s not home yet, I know God’s working on the other side of the mountain on my behalf. Websites like WayFm and a website​ called Charlyne Cares thought me how to stand and pray for my dead marriage. God promised to resurrect my marriage.… Read more »
Pastor Dave WAY-FM
WAY-FM

Tremendous comments, Laura, from the depths of experience. Thanks for adding “meat” to an already great “feast” today from Mike.

Charlie
Member

Laura,
I am so sorry for what you are going through. To forgive and then he does it again… I am struggling through the fact that we did not find reconciliation. Or maybe, I did not pursue it “hard enough” for her to agree. But then I listen to stories like your’s and find that letting her go is what’s necessary. I pray for you and your family today. That you and they find peace in the middle of this turmoil.

mrschamegang
Member

Thank you, Charlie,
I appreciate your kind words and sympathies…sounds like you know a bit about it too. Prayers for you, as well. Peace is here…it still hurts, but I know all will be well. Many thanks and blessings!

Keith
Guest

Amen, and wonderful video, Mike….thank you! I’m thankful that through God’s Grace I’ve been able to forgive people for things I’ve never thought possible. I share with others that of our flesh, we cannot forgive others without submitting ourselves and our bitternesses to Yahweh. The fleshly world is retaliatory-minded and many of us are taught to be retaliatory from childhood. The Spirit is forgiving, so as children of God we’re to walk in the Spirit. Forgiving others is a wonderful feeling and it frees us from unnecessary bondage.

Jennalou16
Member

Wow!! This gave me the chills! So true!! Amazing hoe God works!!

Stacy
Guest
This is very inspiring. To ask for forgiveness from the ones that are the cause of your own bitterness is not an easy thing. I work with kids and there are times when acts of bullying occur. To tell a kid to go up to their bully and ask THEM for forgiveness! “Forgive me for whatever I have done to you for you to act out in hate against me, forgive me!”! That is huge. That is also something that you do not see, not that I have seen anyway. This is a lesson that needs to be shared in… Read more »
Marianne
Member

Awesome!!
I have forgiven my husband for things of the past, but now I realize – I must confess my resentment and in turn ask his forgiveness.

Pastor Dave WAY-FM
WAY-FM

Deep indeed, but it shows your devotion to your Lord Jesus Christ.

Jeff
Guest

I needed to hear this today. Thanks for sharing.

Subrina
Member

Loved this! I am in a struggle right now and this study is hitting home for me. Thank you thank you thank you!

Klparker350
Member

Thank you for sharing your fathers story! His story has challenged me! Thank you

Trevor Poling
Member
What a great testimony. I had a similar experience. My dad was a good, moral father, but unsaved. When I was in my twenties, he and I parted ways when I moved away. He sort of drove me away. But, I got saved and when I realized that I was part of why we did not get along, I went to my dad, asked for forgiveness and told him that I forgave him. I have been free ever since. He is still not saved, but now, in his eighties, he an I have coffe every Saturday and I share my… Read more »
Pastor Dave WAY-FM
WAY-FM

Coffee & Christ … love it! I have prayed this for you today, Trevor. May this Saturday be the day!!!

John Scaggs
Member
“We need to absorb more pain then we inflict.” Did you hear that quote in the video attributed to Tim Keller? Keller has a lot to say on this subject. Wow, I wish I could live it out just as easily as I can do a web search and find an extensive case for this biblical truth lived out by Jesus and his followers. Keller twitter feed from Feb 2015 touches on this too, “The essence of forgiveness is absorbing pain instead of giving it.” We can only do this with the strength he readily supplies. That is the gift… Read more »
Bornelus
Guest

Amen

Thywillbedone
Member

Of course, that’s it !!! (sigh)
Thank you so much.

Doris Ripczinski
Member

Right on!
Thank you, Jesus!

Karenwhite717
Member

Wow….I’m convicted by this testimony….how many times have I forgiven others while not owning my own wrong doing. This gives me something to ponder today…

Julie Pitts
Member
Absolutely, turned my heart inside out. My mom sat down once and asked for my forgiveness for not raising me the way I should have been raised. Because by not watching over me as closely as the other children bad tings happened and I went through molestation, sexual abuse, and rape. I was absolutely floored that my mom took that responsibility for her actions causing such damage to my life and of course, I forgave her. But I never asked her for her to forgive me for holding her in contempt for those actions. I have a call to make… Read more »
Pastor Dave WAY-FM
WAY-FM

I am praying … What great tears of joy this will bring! Our God is the Great Reconciler!

lorilu
Member

Thanks for sharing that great story of forgiveness!
Really clicked on the part about being offended. I certainly have no place deciding who deserves forgiveness and who doesn’t., when Christ died for us all…
Thank you for hitting that hone.

Pastor Dave WAY-FM
WAY-FM

Jesus died … I die. What a great way to worship our loving Savior!

Carl
Member

What a great message! Thank you for sharing!

pastormatt
Member

Great message that we, as Christians, should be living! Hard to do, but should do it!

Member

Thanks for sharing this today . It’s a new way of looking at things from the hurt side if life. I’ve forgive those that hurt me, released tge, but n this has never crossed my mind.

Member

I’ve never thought of giving forgiveness in this way. Very deep and lots to ponder. Thanks for sharing

Garry Miller
Guest
How do I get through stuff? Some people may think I do not have sensitivity or feelings. I need to get through life, yet when people do or say stuff to me how do I get through the hurt. Or if I say or do something that I screwed up on and hurt someone and they do not want my apologies how do I get around the sadness of their not wanting my apologies? My belief may be different from yours and if so tis OK. Christianity is a personal relationship between you and the Lord Jesus Christ. Only Jesus… Read more »
Terri
Member
Wow!! Thank you, Mike! The Lord rescued me from a broken marriage of 30 years,that became more and more verbally abusive. When it turned physically abusive, I left. If it had not crossed that line, I don’t think I would have ever left because I took my vows seriously and wanted our marriage to work. I lost all respect for him even though I still loved him. I would not have our children and grandchildren without him. About 18 months after I left him, the Lord laid it on my heart to invite him to family functions (bithdays, etc). I… Read more »
Bornelus
Guest
God called me to stand in the gap for my marriage. It wasn’t easy at first praying for someone that’s hurting you and keep fleeing from you. When I started taking my eyes off my situation and started being obedient to God I became at peace. I pray for my prodigal spouse everyday and even though he’s not home yet, I know God’s working on the other side of the mountain on my behalf. Websites like WayFm and a website​ called Charlyne Cares thought me how to stand and pray for my dead marriage. God promised to resurrect my marriage.… Read more »
Terri
Member

That is beautiful. I will pray that God will give him a new heart; remove his heart of stone and replace it with a heart of flesh and put His Spirit within him. Ezekieal 36:25-27. I still pray this for mine. God bless.

Pastor Dave WAY-FM
WAY-FM

Now, that’s a prayer God loves to hear! It’s a privilege to pray with you, Teepee.

Robin
Member

To die to ourselves – to then receive the grace of Jesus – then to pass this on to others through forgiveness. A mind blowing cycle.

Pastor Dave WAY-FM
WAY-FM

A great way to say it, Robin. Short & effective! God’s way is so amazing, isn’t it?

Linda
Guest

To absorb more pain than you inflict. Wow, tough words to live out but so good!

Big Country
Member

He’s completely right even though it is really tough as I am learning.

sherry
Guest

Awesome, thank you for sharing your father’s testamony and your understanding and wisdom of how God’s word works.

Crystal
Member

Thank you for this perspective. I really need this. I’m struggling at work right now with feeling taken advantage of and underappreciated. It’s made me bitter. Now I realize that my bitterness is so to the fact I have unforgiveness around this situation. Thank you for helping me see this.

Pauline
Member

AMEN. AMEN AMEN. Thank you

Missy P
Member

Love that perspective! Thank You.

Penny Hambey
Member

Awesome!

Penny.Bullard
Member

I love the quote, “absorb more pain than you inflict.”

Cari
Guest

“We need to absorb more pain than we inflict”. Tim Keller

Wow.

Jill
Member
This was so helpful for me. I am in the midst of co flict with my mother. I have an 18 year old sister who was living in the toxicity that I once grew up in. I made the decision to bring her into my home a month ago. My mom is to say the least very upset with me. She feels I have went against her and do not support her. I have written her letters explaining that I support her and I only did it to help. She still refuses to talk to me. I have prayed about… Read more »
Rita
Member

Deeply touched by this. As others have posted, Wow! Thank you!

Brenda
Member

Wow, WOW, absolutely amazing and so true. Die to myself in order to forgive. If I immerse my self in Christ then I have given up the ‘right’ to be offended by what anyone else says or does. I LOVE this!!

Susan
Member

Wow! Thanks everyone for sharing how God is helping you in forgiveness and dying to self. What a video.

Karen
Member

Love this!

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